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Well, I did it. For the first time in my life, I settled in and watched the Oscars, the 85th Academy Awards, on Sunday evening and (I believe) into Monday morning. I am travelling with my sister, and she has been a devoted fan of this and other such awards shows for most of her life. She wouldn’t miss a program the magnitude of Sunday evening’s if her sweet fashionista life depended on it.

That’s why I watched. Under other circumstances, there’s no way I’d put myself through it, and I’ll tell you why. I know absolutely nothing about fashion, especially haute couture. If I’m wearing a relatively new sweatshirt (purchased since 1985) and dark leggings, I’ve exhausted my knowledge of how to dress.

I know nothing about Hollywood celebrities and who’s married to whom this month. It’s too difficult to keep up with, and I’m having a hard time figuring out why one would want to do that, anyway. We have four children and if I’m partially apprised of what’s new in their lives, I feel smugly in-the-know.

My husband and I get to go see a movie in an actual movie theatre about four or five times a year. We call those times our date nights. Therefore, I only recognize maybe one or two movies actually in the running for Academy awards. The rest of the nominated films sound like foreign, artsy films that will likely make me cry. If you’ve ever met my husband or know me at all, you know we never seem to make it out to see those.

Three hours into the Awards show Sunday evening, when I kept thinking to myself, “Surely it’s winding down. How many more categories an possibly be rewarded,” here would come another couple of stars struggling to make the audience laugh, or struggling to simply stand upright, or to stand, turn and not trip over the miles of fabric trailing out behind her. Or him. Oh, the dresses were fabulous. Many were also deadly.

And just as the program was drawing to an end – I could tell because many of the nominees themselves were falling asleep – I see Jack Nicholson (I’m a huge fan) wander out onto the stage, only to immediately introduce First Lady Obama to reveal the film voted “Best Picture.”

What? I was confused. Did I fall asleep? Did I accidentally change the channel to CNN? No, it was just a strange end to a very long awards show.

Oh well, now I can cross that whole voyeuristic event off my Bucket List. I even told my sister as much, and she came right back at me with the foreboding question, “Have you ever watched the SAG Awards or Golden Globes?”

Oh, no. Those don’t air anytime soon, right?

Carole Townsend is also a Gwinnett Daily Post staff correspondent and author of two books: “Southern Fried White Trash” and her newest, “Red Lipstick and Clean Underwear” (released October 2012). Townsend has been quoted on msnbc.com, in the LA Times, USA Today and the Christian Science Monitor, been featured on FOX 5 Television News and CNN, and is often a guest on television and radio shows nationwide. She currently travels throughout the southeast, meeting readers at festivals and book signings, and speaking publicly at various events.