Gwinnett Daily Post

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Thanksgiving is almost here; hard to believe, isn’t it? I’ve been seeing a lot of television commercials encouraging shoppers to put on their shin guards and bike helmets, and head out to stores right after eating the big dinner on Thursday. I don’t know about all that. It just doesn’t seem right.

I don’t know how your family does Thanksgiving dinner, but mine goes way overboard. There’s an excess of food, and it seems that dinner sometimes starts on Tuesday and ends sometime on Saturday of Thanksgiving week. Who on earth has the energy to hit the stores after the legendary Tryptophan overdose? I sure don’t.

In all honesty, I’m just not a Black Friday shopper. I don’t have what it takes to battle my way through the traffic, endure personal confrontation and possible bodily injury to snag a parking spot, then elbow my way through the teeming crowds and sale-crazed bargain hunters to get a good price on a TV In fact, if the store gave me the TV and a $100 bonus, I wouldn’t shop on Black Friday, much less Black Thursday, or whatever it’s being called.

Several years ago, our girls conned me into agreeing to getting up at 4 a.m. the day after Thanksgiving to shop. When I couldn’t get them out of bed that day after I had set my alarm, showered and dressed, I foolishly decided to just go by myself. The experience was horrible; I still see a therapist during the holidays because of it. My last memory of that day was of a woman pushing a grocery cart through the upper level of the mall, merchandise piled high, eyes glazed over, mouth foaming. I just can’t imagine a bargain tempting enough to experience that again. I finally threw in the towel around 6 a.m., led a parade of cars through the parking lot as I searched for my car, and endured threats and insults if I didn’t turn my spot over to this shopper or that. I get the chills just thinking about it.

Well, all’s fair in love and retail, I suppose. If you’re of the hardy stock that shops this Thursday or Friday, I wish you well. This may be the year that I get really cozy with online shopping.

I have issues with that, too.

Carole Townsend is also a Gwinnett Daily Post staff correspondent and author of two books: “Southern Fried White Trash” and her newest, “Red Lipstick and Clean Underwear” (released October 15). She is also a regular weekly guest on FOX News Radio station WYXC 1270 AM on Wednesdays during the Live Drive at 5. Townsend has been quoted on msnbc.com, in the LA Times, USA Today and the Christian Science Monitor, been featured on FOX 5 Television News and CNN, and is often a guest on television and radio shows nationwide. She currently travels throughout the southeast, meeting readers at book signings and speaking publicly at various events.