Gwinnett Daily Post

Pardon me? It is November, right? Why wouldn’t you eat a turkey? O.K. that sounded politically incorrect. Sorry.

I just can’t get past the nightmarish images and extended therapy that ad will surely cause little kids across the country from those media outlets brave (or foolish) enough to run it. Is it really worth it, folks? Of all the causes out there, you choose to take up the gauntlet for an animal too stupid not to drown itself by gazing up into the rain? That’s actually true. I read it somewhere.

I can’t imagine teaching a turkey to fetch a ball or catch a Frisbee, or to house train one (though that may be possible). I can’t imagine a turkey running to the door to greet me every day after work, wagging its tail feathers and licking my hands to say, “Hi. I missed you!” Not that those are reasons to kill an animal, mind you, but still …

I truly believe, and I think the Bible backs me up on this, that animals were put here on Earth under our dominion. We eat them. We wear them. And I have to tell you, if I shape a big pile of broccoli and carrots and squash into the likeness of a turkey and serve it up to my family on Thursday, things’ll get ugly around here.

All animals deserve our decency. I heard it said somewhere that the true measure of a society’s character is the way it treats its animals. Personally, I like my turkeys roasted.

Incidentally, the president of PETA asked Obama to “spare” the two turkeys in the traditional annual ceremony, not “pardon” them as is the usual custom. Turkeys everywhere will breathe a bit easier as a result of that one, no doubt.

Carole Townsend is also a Gwinnett Daily Post staff correspondent and author of the recently-released book, “Southern Fried White Trash.” The book takes a humorous look at all families and how we behave when thrown together for weddings, funerals and holidays.