I know we’re all tired of talking about snow, but when I read this little nugget of lunacy on the Internet, I couldn’t help but share it.
The snowstorm, according to some tin-foil-hat-wearing geniuses, was a hoax.
That’s right, it was all fake snow, created by the government to draw our attention away from all its nefarious doings, magical misdirection manufactured by the Shadow People. Or the Illuminati. Or the Freemasons. Or whoever is in charge of the vast conspiracy this week.
Lest you laugh at these philosophers of the phony, they’ve got video. It shows that the snow won’t melt. The flame leaves burn marks. Thus, it must only be fake.
Or, the snow is actually melting and the water is being reabsorbed by the rest of the snow. And the burn marks are soot from the lighter.
Whichever explanation you want to believe.
It’s so much more fun to believe the first one though. And a little more research shows it’s not just fake snow, but evil snow, deposited by planes spreading chemtrails, blanketing Atlanta not in a fluffy (later icy) layer of fender-bender fuel but in poison drugs and nanobots bent on mind control and the destruction of the human race.
And you thought not having enough snowplows was the problem.
It’s a logical next step for the shadow government that’s out to get us. Those guys already destroyed New Orleans with their man-made hurricane. Their so-called vaccines are really just another way to give our kids autism. (I learned that from Jenny McCarthy, and she does commercials for fake cigarettes that let you suck unknown, unregulated chemicals into your lungs, so she ought to know.) They’re tracking an asteroid that’s going to destroy us in 2036 but they won’t tell us. The mayhem “they” are causing is as endless as the list of websites devoted to spreading the “truth.”
So when the government is already wreaking that much havoc, it only makes sense that it would, you know, create a few snow days, thereby making a couple of hundred thousand school kids happy.
And this just hit me: I’ll bet it’s that pesky Obama’s fault. I swear, that guy …
Of course, he’s just a puppet. The aliens are the ones who really pull all the strings. And I know that’s true, too.
I saw it on the History Channel.
Email Nate McCullough at email@example.com. His column appears on Fridays. For archived columns, go to www.gwinnettdailypost.com/natemccullough.