LARSON: Getting to the meat of life's mysteries

Susan Larson

Susan Larson

Some people say I overanalyze things. Maybe I do because I have lots of questions for which I can't find answers even on the Internet. So I'm turning to my readers to help me out.

Last winter, I was taking a Crock-Pot full of soup to a church supper. I duct-taped the lid all the way around so nothing could spill out. Or at least I thought I did. As I turned out of the driveway, I discovered that about a one-inch segment was uncovered. I don't understand it, but no matter how I changed course, right turn, left turn, uphill or downhill, the soup sloshed out of that crack.

Isn't there some law of physics that says that shouldn't happen? I know there are a lot of people and agencies out there not enforcing the laws on the books, but I never imagined that Mother Nature would be among them.

And this statistic known as "runs batted in." That never made any sense to me. When a player comes up to bat, he has control over what he does, but he has absolutely no control whatsoever over the batters before him. Let's say player number one comes up to bat and the bases are loaded. He hits a home and gets four RBIs. Then player number two hits the ball over the fence but he gets credit for only one RBI. His own. They both did the exact same thing but statistically, player number one comes out looking four times better than the other guy. I don't get it.

And here's something else I've never been able to figure out. A friend who wouldn't dream of eating meat asked me to join her for lunch at a vegetarian restaurant. As I read the menu, there was a full page of of chicken entrees. Chicken nuggets. Chicken cutlets. Chicken drumsticks.

"I thought this was a vegetarian restaurant," I said, pointing to the menu.

"Oh, it is!" she said. "All those items are made out of molded tofu."

If you don't believe me, go online. There are tons of recipes for molding tofu into fake chicken parts on the Internet.

"If vegetarians are opposed to eating meat, why in the world do they eat tofu made to look like meat?" I asked her.

"It looks more appealing than just a glop of tofu," she said.

So why can't they mold the tofu into an apple or a carrot? I mean, if they are repulsed by real meat, why would they want to eat something fake that looks like something that repulses them?

And look at how PETA protests people wearing fake fur, saying it sends the wrong message.

What? Wearing fabric that only looks like real fur is bad, but eating tofu that looks like real chicken is OK. Sounds like a mixed message to me. Can anyone help me get it?

Susan Larson is a writer from Lilburn. Email her at susanlarson79@gmail.com.


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