Darrell Huckaby, right, asked country music disc jockey star Moby, left, to narrate the audio version of "Need Two."
I don’t like Mitt Romney.
The heck of it is, I will probably wind up having to hold my nose and vote for him in November. Even more ironically, three months ago I liked Mitt Romney just fine. I would even say that I admired him -- and I certainly respected him and believed him to be a person of character and integrity.
I no longer admire Mitt Romney. I do not respect him or believe him to be a person of character and integrity -- but most of all, I don't like Mitt Romney. I think he's a putz.
Ask one of your Jewish friends.
First of all, Mitt Romney comes across as believing the fact that he has lots and lots of money makes him somehow superior to the rest of us. Understand this, I am not opposed to people making money and I am not jealous of Mitt Romney and his money. More power to him.
I am, however, opposed to people who constantly flaunt their money -- to the point that they lose all touch with the great unwashed -- like me -- who have to make do without large sums of the green stuff. Case in point -- every time a reporter asks Romney a question about just about anything his retort is "Listen, I am successful. I have worked hard. I have made a lot of money. I am not going to apologize for having a lot of money."
We get it, Mitt. But that wasn't the question.
It's getting to the point that Romney reminds me of the old Gary McKee bit. Right after Herschel Walker left Georgia to sign with Donald Trump's New Jersey Generals for what at the time seemed like a gazillion dollars, McKee would play a little clip every time Herschel's name was mentioned that went, "Gonna buy me a boat, gonna buy me a car, gonna buy me a fur coat, gonna buy me a gold Rolex watch, gonna get my teeth fixed."
No matter the question, the answer was Herschel's litany of proposed purchases. That's the way Romney is. No matter what the question, the response is, "Listen, I am successful. I have worked hard. I have made a lot of money. I am not going to apologize for having a lot of money."
Romney showed his disconnect with the average American during one of the early Republican debates when he offered to bet Texas Gov. Rick Perry $50,000 about some claim Perry had made about Romney's past record. The average American might bet a Coca-Cola or a dollar, but Romney went straight to the $50,000 mark.
Romney's penchant for so vulgarly displaying his wealth isn't what really turned me against him. It was the scorched earth advertising barrage he unleashed against Newt Gingrich after the South Carolina primary. The whole campaign was based on lies and half-truths and the thing is, Newt Gingrich, over the years, has made it very easy for opponents to find plenty of reasons to attack him and his policies without having to make up stuff. Anyone who will lie to get elected will lie after he is in office and when faced, with those lies, on the debate platform, Romney tried to deflect criticism by claiming the material was put out by PACs and that he had no knowledge of what was in the ads or what material they contained.
Right. Would you believe a guy with hair like Mitt Romney's if you heard him make such a statement? Me either.
I could forgive Romney for flaunting his wealth and for telling lies about Newt. I cannot forgive him for the condescending attitude he has taken toward my fellow Southerners during his recent campaign forays into Alabama and Mississippi. Last week he admitted that he felt like he was playing in an "away game," during a visit to the Magnolia State. And yet he wants, I assume, to be president of the entire United States -- not just New England and Utah.
And this week he has confounded his growing list of sins by mocking our language and our food. If I were president of the United States I would issue an executive order making it a capital crime for any Yankee to ever attempt to use the common contraction of the words "you" and "all." If you can't say y'all the way God and Herman Talmadge intended it be said, just shut up. Sometimes it is better to remain quiet and be thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt.
And how dare Mitt Romney try to cozy up to the good people of Alabama and Mississippi by condescendingly announcing that he'd had his "cheesy grits" for breakfast. He should be flagellated with a cotton stalk and sent back to Massachusetts where he came from.
The fact that he is the front runner in the presidential race and yet finished third in both of this week's Southern primaries shows that the good folks of the Capstone and Mississippi agree with my assessment.
I may have to vote for Mitt Romney but I won't have to like it, and if you think, Mr. Romney, that you are so superior to us poor ignorant Southerners -- well, please feel free to kiss my rebel rump.
Darrell Huckaby is a local educator and author. Email him at firstname.lastname@example.org. For past columns, visit www.rockdalecitizen.com or www.newtoncitizen.com.