A few days ago, I got another email from my old friend Monsieur Nicolas Garreau, the Parisian gentlemen whose company Apoteo Surprise offers a variety of different "romantic scenarios" for Valentine's Day.
You may remember that I told you about some of these a couple of years ago. The only catch is that you have to go to Paris, but if you have the time and money, M. Garreau can definitely help you orchestrate a, um, unique experience.
For example, did you know that it's possible to "say I love you with a human heart?" That's right -- but only in Paris, or maybe on the set of "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom." (Turns out it's a guy, or maybe even a Guy, dressed up in a giant heart costume.)
Here are some other possible Parisian romantic scenarios offered by Apoteo Surprise, as expressed by M. Garreau:
"Say I love you with a delivery man." (You know, I think that's how my neighbors got divorced.)
"Say I love you with a dove." (Yes, but will it still respect me in the morning?)
"Say I love you with a bellboy." (Note to self: When in Paris, keep wife away from fancy hotels.)
"Say I love you while flying with a poem." (I used to fly with poems all the time, until the airlines started charging me extra for them.)
"Say I love you on an advertising van." (Will it be parked or moving?)
"Say I love you on the wings of an airplane." (But will anybody be able to hear me over the wind? And hey, can I at least bring my poem?)
"Say I love you in a drive-in theater." (Are we talking about the Paris in France or the one in Texas?)
"Say I love you with a laser." (I know that's always been a dream of mine: "Oh, Sweetheart! I love you so--AHHH! AHHH! AHHH!")
Apparently the big seller this year, however, involves "saying I love you by projecting under the Eiffel Tower." I'm thinking that might go something like this:
"Well, honey, here we are, right under the Eiffel Tower."
"You're afraid of commitment, aren't you? AREN'T YOU??"
"Calm down, honey. I think you're projecting."
OK, this "scenario" actually involves having your photograph, along with "a personalized message of love," projected onto the bank of the River Seine, directly underneath the famous landmark.
Consider the following anecdote from Apoteo Surprise's promotional materials (yes, I'm on their mailing list): "Michel, 32, was totally astonished when he suddenly saw his photo appearing on Seine banks with the message 'Michel, you are the man of my life, I love you more than all.' With emotion, the young man kissed his lady-love while the yacht crew cheered and served champagne to the two lovers."
I suppose it could have been worse. The crew could have broken out the lasers.
Rob Jenkins is a local freelance writer and college professor. Email him at email@example.com.