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MCCULLOUGH: I'm not keeping up with the Kardashians

Nate McCullough

Nate McCullough

I have no use for most reality shows, mainly because most of them are about as close to reality as we are to the Andromeda galaxy.

I am not interested in shows about housewives, hair salons, washed-up actresses or the uber-rich. I don't want to watch talentless singers and dancers (though I will cop to seeing an episode or two of "Dancing with the Stars"), and the only people from New Jersey I want to see on my screen are the hosts of "That Metal Show."

Having said that, I have no illusion that I'll be able to escape the schadenfreude-fest that will be the divorce of one soon-to-be Ms. Kim Kardashian.

She and her basketball player husband (don't know his name, don't care) have apparently been married only a few months. Now the made-for-TV marriage is apparently in ruins.

I am shocked -- shocked, I say!

Why these people are famous to begin with is beyond me. They've done nothing to merit the torrent of exposure they get. Kim's only claim to fame (and I use that term as loosely as one can) is that her father was O.J. Simpson's attorney and her stepfather is Bruce Jenner. Much like Paris Hilton, she was born into the lap of luxury, but it wasn't enough to enjoy that lifestyle in private. In order to properly reap all the benefits of being a socialite, one has to be on TV.

I do what I can to avoid this stuff, but I knew I was in trouble when I was walking through the supermarket the other day and I saw all the tabloid headlines about Kardashian getting divorced. You just know it'll be everywhere for the next few millenia. Why? Because the world cares more about this kind of garbage than anything else.

Here's my proof: When I looked up Kim Kardashian on Google, I typed two letters before her name automatically came up. I typed the K and got Kroger. I added the I and got Kim Kardashian.

What really befuddles me is how anyone thinks any of this stuff is real. All these people do for the most part is complain, fight and backstab each other, and you know most of it comes at the prompting of a producer to create drama.

How do you know that, Nate, if you don't watch those shows?

Because my wife does, and since she is marooned in a hospital bed in our living room recovering from back surgery, I have lost control of the remote.

(We now interupt for a brief public service announcement. Every Wednesday my wife asks me what I wrote my column about because I usually write it on Wednesday. This week I will be telling her that I wrote it about some very boring political topic because she doesn't read those, and don't any of you go ratting me out. And now back to our show.)

I have asked her how this stuff entertains her. Because she likes to see what kind of stupid stuff these people will do, she says, echoing most of America I presume. It baffles me though. Actual, real people do enough stupid stuff. Do we really need to make television shows about these plastic people and their oh-so-difficult lives of wealth and excess run under the banner of "reality"?

I say no. But to be perfectly fair to my wife, she can't figure out why I tape "Ancient Aliens" on the History Channel. I tell her it's because I can't wait to see what crazy connection these folks who believe aliens came to earth in the distant past will believe next. I mean, they're so stupid. But it's so entertaining.

Oh, wait ...

Hey, aren't the Kardashians on?

Email Nate McCullough at nate.mccullough@gwinnettdailypost.com. His column appears on Fridays. For archived columns, go to www.gwinnettdailypost.com/natemccullough.

Comments

ACC12_SEC13Booster 2 years, 9 months ago

"Why these people are famous to begin with is beyond me. They've done nothing to merit the torrent of exposure they get. Kim's only claim to fame (and I use that term as loosely as one can) is that her father was O.J. Simpson's attorney and her stepfather is Bruce Jenner."

Well...In case you didn't know, and you really seem like you don't know, Kim Kardashian's real claim to fame is making a sex tape with R&B singer Brandy's little brother, Ray-J, a "private" sex tape that somehow "mysteriously" got out "without her permission" in a way that is similar to how her friend Paris Hilton's sex tape got leaked and made her (in)famous back in 2003.

Before the her "private" sex tape was leaked, Kim Kardashian was known to date rappers, athletes and musicians, but it was the "mysterious" leaking of her "private" sex tape with Brandy's little brother that gained her and her family the immense notoriety, and the bigger paychecks that come with it, that they had seemingly been looking for it as the Kardashian-Jenner's led what one could probably call a comfortable lifestyle, but were by no means filthy rich.

Speaking of seeking to be filthy rich, the word on the street is that the real reason that Kim K. and what's-his-name, the NBA player, got married was to split big paychecks from some major tabloid magazines that totaled up to about 30-some-million dollars.

Basically, the wedding and the marriage was a massive publicity stunt incentivized by a massive pay-off and the promise of making Kim and the Kardashians even more bankable product pitchmen drawing even bigger endorsements.

I can't blame them for getting married for a $30 million-plus payday, if that was in fact the case.

Say what you want, but you can't knock the hustle!...

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