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HUCKABY: Don't worry, be happy

Boy, am I ever tired. I mean it. I am just plain worn out. “To a frazzle,” is the way my mama used to put it. I have been on edge all fall. Since way back in the summer actually. Tension, tension, tension. Worry, worry, worry. Stress, stress, stress. That stuff will kill you, don’t you know. I am ready to take a chill pill, y’all.

Now I realize that those of us who read and believe in the Bible are instructed not to worry. “Who can add a day to his life by worrying?” is the rhetorical question Jesus asked his disciples. That’s the Porterdale paraphrased translation, understand.

“Not I,” is the obvious answer, which is what the lazy chicks said to the Little Red Hen, if memory serves me correctly — and when is the last time you thought about that story?

And yet, I worry anyway.

All summer long I worried about the country and the election. I’m not trying to make anybody mad here the week before Thanksgiving. I just believed we were headed down the wrong road and was afraid the winds of change might not be strong enough to blow us back on course. So, I worried. Actually, worry might not be a strong enough word. I might have actually obsessed just a little.

I had an app on my iPhone that counted down the days until Nov. 2, which I was convinced would be our country’s most important mid-term election since the Federalists won a super-majority in Congress in 1798. For the record, they blew that one and parlayed themselves right out of power in the Revolution of 1800, but that’s another story for another day.

Well, the election has come and gone and the results went to suit me. It remains to be seen if the newly elected Congress will be a good thing or a bad thing for our nation, but at least I have been able to go to sleep at night without counting donkeys and elephants instead of sheep.

And I have had to worry about my kids. We always have to worry about our kids, don’t we? Sometimes I look forward to the day when I get old and senile so they can worry about me instead. One had just graduated and was entering the work force. One is about to graduate and I worry that there will be no work force for him to enter, and one is a brand new college student and because of her free spirited outlook on life worrying about her is second nature. Actually it is first nature.

But my oldest loves her job and my middle child has found a way to neutralize the job market situation. He plans to just stay in Athens and attend graduate school. And our youngest seems to be surviving college life just fine, although she spends so much time at the Baptist Campus Ministry that I don’t see how she could be earning decent grades. And if she loses Hope, we are in deep trouble.

See how easy it is to worry? Now I have to worry that my child is too spiritual.

And I have been worrying about my wife’s job because it seems to have changed about every other month this year, and I worry about book sales, although I shouldn’t because there really haven’t been any to worry about. And I worry about my health and the health of my family. I had to worry about A.J. Green for about a month and then I had to worry about Coach Mark Richt keeping his job and then there was this whole Cam-gate thing with breaking news every 10 minutes.

Thank goodness his attorney has come forward and said that he is “a million percent” certain that Cam didn’t do anything wrong so that is settled, and I don’t have to be concerned about that. Good. One less thing.

And I have been worrying that nobody would invite me to come and talk to them and worried that too many people would and ... Well, y’all get the picture. I have just been a wreck! And the few hairs I have left on top of my head have turned gray.

Would somebody bring the straight jacket, please?

But this week the powers that be have arranged for me to have an entire week off, and I am going to vegetate. I am going to hole up in an undisclosed location and do nothing. Nothing at all. I am going to get a little rest and relaxation and try to rejuvenate and reload. I am going to breathe in and breathe out and eat what I want and stay off the scale and after the turkey and dressing is all gone and the Great Tree is ablaze, then and only then will I re-enter the rat race.

But y’all won’t get a chance to miss me because I have written a week’s worth of columns in advance, so don’t worry. And I can tell you from experience that if you do — it won’t do a lick of good.

Darrell Huckaby is an author and teacher in Rockdale County. E-mail him at dhuck08@bellsouth.net. For archived columns, visit www.gwinnettdailypost.com/darrellhuckaby.