I have been a lot of places and seen a lot of things in my lifetime. I have been to three World Series, four Sugar Bowls, five Final Fours, the Calgary Stampede and a goat roping. I have seen Brenda Lee perform at the Grand Ole Opry and heard Johnny Cash sing in a cow pasture in South Georgia and walked out on David Alan Coe at Billy Bob's in Fort Worth because he wouldn't sing.
I once saw a man eat four dozen raw oysters in four minutes in New Orleans and watched Buck Belue throw five interceptions in one afternoon in Clemson, S.C.
I saw a guy in Las Vegas hypnotize a stage full of people at once and cause them to slide around on their backsides like their pants were on fire every time he said the word "hot," and I watched a 70-something-year-old man, Karl Wallenda, walk a tight-wire across Tallulah Gorge. I have been around, understand.
But I had never seen, nor ever hoped to see, what I saw at the Georgia men's basketball game Wednesday night. I'm not talking about seeing a team blow a double-digit lead to lose in the final minute of play. I have seen that four or five times in the last couple of weeks. I am talking, now, about what happened at halftime of that game between the dancing girls and the students trying to win free gift cards.
I am not sure if I can put into words exactly what I did see, but I'm willing to give it a go. There was this young lady, you see I am assuming she was a lady, I could tell she was young by looking at her and she rode a unicycle. Now that, in and of itself, would not be so remarkable. I can't do it, of course, but a lot of other people can. This person rode a unicycle, however, with the seat about 8 feet above the floor.
That is quite a feat. And since this woman was very attractive, I would have been content to have sat and watched her do that throughout the entire intermission. Let me say here that the girl could have been from Hahira, Ga., or Smut Eye, Ala., for all I know, but they played Chinese-sounding music throughout her performance so I am guessing that she might hail from China. Like I said, I don't know. What I do know is that she could ride a unicycle with a seat 8 feet above the ground. But that's not close to all.
She could also ride the unicycle in place, using just one foot to keep it upright, while balancing a bowl the fellow beside me said it was a rice bowl on her other foot. Are you getting this picture in your mind's eye? And then she would flip the bowl high the air and then ride under it and catch it on top of her head.
I ain't making this up, y'all. She really could.
But that's not all. After she had shown us that she could catch one bowl on top of her head while riding a unicycle, she did the same trick with two bowls and then three and finally five or six. She never missed. Ever.
Last Wednesday night, I watched a girl ride around on a unicycle with a seat 8 feet off the ground flipping five or six bowls in the air and catching them on her head while Chinese music blared over the speaker system.
Now here's the pronouncement you've been waiting for. It was the dangdest thing I had ever seen. She was better than fire girl from the Redcoat Band, and that is saying something!
But this is the question I left the coliseum with Wednesday night. What makes a person even wonder if she can ride a unicycle and flip plates up with her feet in the first place? Do you suppose she was just sitting around, painting her toenails one night while trying to come up with a new half-time show? Maybe she was watching TV and her brother asked her to pass the popcorn and instead of handing it to him she just flipped the bowl toward him with her feet instead and then said, "Wait let me go get the unicycle."
And I wonder how much something like that pays.
I don't suppose I will ever get any answers to any of those questions, but I will tell you right now, if you ever get a chance to see her for yourself, don't pass it up. And I'll tell you something else. If you ever want to see a Mark Fox team blow another double digit lead, you'd better look fast, because he is the real deal, and once his team gets over its growing pains, losses will be as rare as a girl on a unicycle catching plates on her head.
Darrell Huckaby is a local educator and author. E-mail him at firstname.lastname@example.org.