0

25 things people don't know about me

If you're into Facebook you're probably aware that making up a "25 things people don't know about me" list is the latest online fad. Even if you don't do Facebook, you might have heard about it while watching "Oprah" on your 12-inch black-and-white TV.

Regular readers will recall that I set up a Facebook account last year as a way of communicating with my college-age children, for whom the telephone is apparently outdated technology.

Unfortunately, I can't exactly add all of you as "friends," because, let's face it, some of you are kind of weird. So I'm going to put my list right here in the paper for everyone to read, weird or not:

· Jessica Alba is my third cousin. She is probably not as aware of this as I am.

· One of my ancestors came here on the Mayflower. Not the ship, the moving van.

· I once scored 42 points in a church-league basketball game - 27 before the bench-clearing brawl and 15 afterwards.

· I share a birthday with Pamela Bellwood, Dennis J. FitzSimons and Alberto Weisser. I've never heard of any of them, either.

· In junior high school, my nickname was "Big Red," because I was, um, big and had red hair.

· My brother once hit me in the head with a baseball bat, but it didn't cause any permanent brain damage.

· My brother once hit me in the head with a baseball bat, but it didn't cause any permanent brain damage.

· I have passed four kidney stones. I failed two.

· I once ran into Chief Knockahoma in the men's room at the old Atlanta-Fulton County Stadium.

· My poetry has been published in a number of highly reputable outlets, including the men's room at the old Atlanta-Fulton County Stadium.

· Jennifer Aniston has never called me once.

· I know how to moonwalk.

· As an adolescent, I felt irrationally antagonistic toward Donny Osmond.

· I can draw Leonardo, from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, freehand.

· My favorite football player of all time is Merlin Olsen.

· I once sang the national anthem before a college basketball game.

· I stopped buying Billy Joel albums after he broke up with Christie Brinkley.

· I know how to drive in the snow.

· I used to wish I looked like David Hasselhoff.

· Despite what his teachers may think, I did not help my fifth-grader with his science project. Much.

· I once ate fried alligator. It actually did taste like chicken.

· Several of the Village People look like members of my extended family.

· In 1979, I competed against Herschel Walker in a high school track meet. At least, I think it was him. It was kind of hard to tell from behind. And 50 yards back.

· I'm pretty sure I could land an airplane if I had to.

· I ripped off that last line - and this column idea - from my friend Mike.

Rob Jenkins is associate professor of English at Georgia Perimeter College. E-mail him at rjenkinsgdp@yahoo.com.