"He" is not pregnant, so stop saying "he" is.
She is pregnant. She, people.
Thomas Beatie, the so-called "pregnant man," is pregnant again, and now we will have to live through another round of television idiots showing us a picture of a woman with a beard who is having a baby.
How you could live on Earth and not hear about Beatie is tough to fathom, but just in case, I'll bring you up to speed.
Thomas Beatie used to be called Tracy. (It takes about three seconds on the Web to find pictures of Beatie in her more feminine days.) Beatie didn't like being a Tracy, however, so she started hormone therapy and had an operation.
But not the operation.
No, Beatie, you see, still has all her female reproductive organs, and thus, has the ability to bear children. But the anything-goes ultraliberals in Oregon recognize her as being a man legally because she has changed her name to Thomas, had some of the surgery and lives her life as a man.
Beatie, as a "man," has even married another woman. The "man," who used to be a woman - and still is because she still has her woman parts - decided she didn't like being a woman but she'd sure like to be married to one. And that's a turn of events that I will never get, no matter how many of you e-mail me today and try to explain it to me.
So anyway, after Beatie started checking "male" on her driver's license application and got married to an infertile woman, the couple decided to have children. Beatie went off her testosterone therapy, received a donation of the kind for which you absolutely must have a real, actual, honest-to-God man, and got pregnant.
Then Beatie wrote an article about her pregnancy, and a blogger pointed out that Beatie was the first person to become pregnant who was legally a man.
And then our blogosphere/cable-news/pop-culture world - and Oprah - took over, conveniently deleted the "legally" part and voila! - the world's first pregnant man.
Never mind that technically Beatie was born a woman and, in perhaps the most shining example of obviousness in the history of the world, was still a woman because she still had female reproductive organs.
Nope, she is pregnant and she is legally a man, so that's what they called her. Beatie became a worldwide celebrity as nitwits by the thousands chose to refer to her as a pregnant man.
Beatie had her baby and then faded into what I had hoped would be obscurity. But now Beatie is pregnant again and already the commercials have started on television touting the next interview with the "pregnant man." This go-around it's Barbara Walters hosting the bizarro-thon.
Folks, this isn't a gay or straight thing, or a right-to-be-who-you-want-to-be thing. It's simple biology, and it aggravates me to no end that there are so many people in the world who are willing to go along with this charade.
Tracy Beatie is a woman. Change her name, but she is still a woman. Remove her breasts, she is still a woman. Give her hormones, she is still a woman. She can grow a beard, finally find the Three Stooges funny and refuse to ask directions when she's lost, but biologically Beatie will still be a woman.
Now, if she has the other, more final, operation and then gets pregnant? Well, then you can call the folks at Guinness and I will shut up.
Until then, I'm going to call Beatie what Beatie is.
A pregnant woman.
E-mail Nate McCullough at firstname.lastname@example.org. His column appears on Fridays.