Sometimes life gets so crazy that you just want to shave your head, stop wearing underwear in public and go to rehab.
Wait ... you didn't have those urges this year? Then you obviously didn't reside in Hollywood, where such shenanigans aren't considered antics, but a regular way of life. That's why we're glad we could only witness this year's hot Hollywood mess unfold from the safety of our own celeb-free homes.
Here are just a few reasons to thank the heavens above you're not famous:
Britney Spears - The Fat Elvis years: Actually, that's an unfair comparison - to Elvis. All the King ever did was get fat and drugged up. A quick recap in the year of Britney: She shaved her head bald (then went out drinking and partying), went to rehab (then went out drinking and partying), got divorced from K-Fed (then went out drinking and partying), prepared for a comeback performance on the MTV Video Music Awards (by drinking and partying) - and bombed in epic fashion (then went out drinking and partying). Finally, she lost physical custody of her kids - and then went out drinking and partying. Despite all this, she did manage to put out an album that actually got critical acclaim. We're sure she'll drink to that - actually, she already has.
Now that Whitney's sober ...: Well, someone had to take over that jittery, substance-abusing pop star role. British retro-soul singer Amy Winehouse - who made Hollywood's 2007 theme song, 'Rehab' - was photographed with a suspicious white powder lining her nostrils, walked the streets barefoot in only a bra and jeans, got into an altercation with someone (maybe her husband, maybe not) that left her makeup smudged and her shoes bloody, and canceled tours because of 'health concerns.' Now we know what she's been hiding in that massive beehive hairdo.
This kind of makes up for O.J.: In the state that let Robert Blake, O.J. Simpson and Michael Jackson walk free, authorities finally got tough on a true menace to society - Paris Hilton. The bimbo heiress was sentenced to 45 days for a probation violation involving an alcohol-related driving offense - and that was cut to 23 before she even entered the clink. Her hysterics and a 'medical condition' got her released after just four days, but public outcry led a judge to haul the distraught socialite back to jail to finish the remainder of her sentence.
Feud of the Year: Rosie O'Donnell versus Donald Trump. And Elisabeth Hasselbeck. And Barbara Walters. OK, let's just put Rosie vs. just about everybody - she had more beefs going than 50 Cent. Unlike 50, though, O'Donnell actually did fade from the limelight after defeat: She quit 'The View' earlier than scheduled when Hasselbeck took her down a notch during one of their regular catfights. Of course, losing a battle of wits with a lightweight like Hasselbeck would be enough to send anyone into exile.