I assume the Republicans are all getting steadily more excited as the hat of Fred Thompson flies ever closer to the ring.
For months now, the Grand Old Party has waited - with anticipation akin to that of the Harry Potter people waiting for that last book - for the former senator to announce his presidential candidacy. Thompson is expected to immediately vault to the front and become the heavyweight the party wants and needs to Beat Hillary.
I am a former card-carrying member of the Republican party, but I am now a member of no party. I have come to believe that whether a politician has a D or an R after their name makes little difference anymore. They should all have an S, for all being the Same. But that's a topic for another day.
Right now we're talking about Fred Thompson, and I for one can't wait for him to get in the race. And it has nothing to do with his party affiliation or that he will take tough stances or that he is expected to Say The Things That Need To Be Said.
It has everything to do with the fact that I want that guy from "Die Hard 2" to be president.
Hear me out.
Weren't people all excited about George W. Bush because they wanted someone who would Act Presidential? Well who better to act presidential than an actor who's already played every kind of leader imaginable?
You likely already know Thompson as District Attorney Arthur Branch from "Law and Order." But just look at the things Thompson has "been" in his career:
' CIA Director: Thompson ran the nation's top spy agency in "No Way Out."
' A lieutenant colonel ("China Beach"), a major general ("Fat Man and Little Boy") and a rear admiral in "The Hunt for Red October," in which he uttered the line, "This business will get out of control. It will get out of control and we'll be lucky to live through it." He wasn't lying because those pesky Russians most definitely got out of control.
' He ran NASCAR in "Days of Thunder." No big deal? You try wrangling Cole Trickle.
' He was a senator in "Born Yesterday." How many people can say, "Yes, I am a senator, and I play one on TV?"
' And you can't ignore the obvious six degrees of separation thing. Thompson has already supervised the White House once as Chief of Staff Harry Sargent in "In the Line of Fire," which also had Clint Eastwood in it. Eastwood was in "A Perfect World" with Kevin Costner, who was in "JFK," a movie about what? That's right. A president.
' Thompson has played a fictional president, Charles Ross in "Last Best Chance." I didn't see that one, but it's apparently about fighting terrorists, something about which the next president will need to know a thing or two.
' If you're not convinced already, guess what Thompson's last role was. President Ulysses S. Grant.
' Finally, you must check out Thompson in "Die Hard 2." He plays a guy named Trudeau, who is in charge of the air traffic at Dulles Airport after terrorists take over all the guidance systems in an attempt to free one of their buddies. Trudeau is the only one with sense enough to listen to Bruce Willis, who is never wrong when it comes to terrorists. Plus, at one point in the movie he tells all the air traffic controllers to "Rack 'em, pack 'em and stack 'em."
I have no idea what that even means, but I have full faith that if the United States ever needs anything racked, packed and stacked, President Thompson will get it done without delay.
Now I know what you're saying. We already had an actor. But Ronald Reagan made movies with monkeys, and he ended the Cold War, so there's no telling what President Thompson might do. Bin Laden might give up just to avoid getting racked, packed and stacked.
As DA Branch might say, I rest my case.
I'd like to send out a special thank you to Mary, who never gave me her last name but did give me some newspapers from when Hank Aaron broke Babe Ruth's home run record. I will always treasure them. And I hope my picture didn't break your friend's camera.
E-mail Nate McCullough at email@example.com. His column appears on Fridays.